Vashon
I'll tell you I'm 5'9" and three quarters
Cultivating mass
Long enough that it's no longer an excuse.
Mezcal+Chartreuse, Nike irons and woods, overly flashy wedges, and a fancy driver that FiXeS mY sLiCe.

I prefer blades, because I've convinced myself that I play "better" when my hands can feel how bad a shot is.
The Place: the 9th hole of the magnificently mediocre Wayne Golf Course in Bothell (RIP).

The Weather: Bad. Nay, awful. Literally a thunderstorm.

The Club: a late-90s Spalding 7-hybrid (not a typo) from Goodwill on a graphite shaft that was at least a +2, and a face the size of a silver dollar.

The Mediocrity: I hit no less than 7 tee shots into the river, adjacent yards, the side of a course-front house, even off a docked boat, before finally submitting to my severe mediocrity and dropping on the other side.

I still blame the lightening.
 
Event Scores

All event scores played before Jan 1st, 2012 can be found on the User Golf Scores Tab.

Event Finishes
EventEvent DateScorePlace"Money"
Seattle Bratish Open 20227/9/2022927th$0.39
Seattle The Bastards 20224/23/2022892nd$0.84
Seattle Rebel Beach Am-Am 20223/26/2022905th$0.5
Seattle The Last Gasp 202110/30/2021862nd$0.42
Seattle Douche Bag Invitational 202110/17/2021997th$0.39
Seattle FORE! Championship 20219/25/2021865th$0.76
Seattle Bratish Open 20218/15/2021916th$0.31
Seattle F.U. Open 20217/11/2021973rd$0.68
Seattle Rebel Beach Am-Am 20215/1/2021862nd$0.74
Seattle Rebel Beach Am-Am 20206/28/2020934th$0.43
Seattle FORE! Championship 20198/11/2019897th$0.52
Seattle The MGA 20195/18/2019947th$0.45
Seattle The Last Gasp 201810/13/201810311th$0.09
Seattle Douche Bag Invitational 20189/15/201810517th$0
Seattle The MGA 20188/19/201810918th$0
Seattle Bratish Open 20187/14/20181078th$0.26
Seattle F.U. Open 20186/23/2018966th$0.45
(UN)Improvement
YearEventsAvg. Finish(UN)Improvement
202234.67-0.50
202164.17-0.17
202014.003.00
201927.005.00
2018512.00
Yearly Stats
YearGlobal Rank"Money"Events
2022429th$1.733
2021258th$3.36
20201182nd$0.431
2019924th$0.972
2018977th$0.85