I'll tell you I'm 5'9" and three quarters
Cultivating mass
Long enough that it's no longer an excuse.
Mezcal+Chartreuse, Nike irons/woods, overly flashy wedges, a Scotty that I value like my first born, and a fancy driver that FiXeS mY sLiCe.

I prefer blades, because I've convinced myself that I play "better" when my hands can feel how bad a shot is.
The Place: the 9th hole of the magnificently mediocre Wayne Golf Course in Bothell (RIP).

The Weather: Bad. Nay, awful. Literally a thunderstorm.

The Club: a late-90s Spalding 7-hybrid (not a typo) from Goodwill, on a graphite shaft that was at least a +2, with a face the size of a silver dollar.

The Mediocrity: I hit no less than 7 tee shots into the river, adjacent yards, the side of a course-front house, even off a docked boat, before finally submitting to my severe mediocrity and dropping on the other side.

I still blame the lightning.
Event Finishes
EventEvent DateScorePlace"Money"
Seattle The Last Gasp 202310/14/2023892nd$0.7
Seattle Douche Bag Invitational 20239/17/2023905th$0.41
Seattle FORE! Championship 20238/26/2023943rd$0.77
Seattle Bratish Open 20237/16/2023913rd$0.57
Seattle The MGA 20235/27/2023883rd$0.75
Seattle Rebel Beach Am-Am 20234/2/2023901st$1.12
Seattle Douche Bag Invitational 20229/24/2022966th$0.26
Seattle FORE! Championship 20229/11/2022852nd$1.14
Seattle Bratish Open 20227/9/2022927th$0.39
Seattle The Bastards 20224/23/2022892nd$0.84
Seattle Rebel Beach Am-Am 20223/26/2022905th$0.5
Seattle The Last Gasp 202110/30/2021862nd$0.42
Seattle Douche Bag Invitational 202110/17/2021997th$0.39
Seattle FORE! Championship 20219/25/2021865th$0.76
Seattle Bratish Open 20218/15/2021916th$0.31
Seattle F.U. Open 20217/11/2021973rd$0.68
Seattle Rebel Beach Am-Am 20215/1/2021862nd$0.74
Seattle Rebel Beach Am-Am 20206/28/2020934th$0.43
Seattle FORE! Championship 20198/11/2019897th$0.52
Seattle The MGA 20195/18/2019947th$0.45
Seattle The Last Gasp 201810/13/201810311th$0.09
Seattle Douche Bag Invitational 20189/15/201810517th$0
Seattle The MGA 20188/19/201810918th$0
Seattle Bratish Open 20187/14/20181078th$0.26
Seattle F.U. Open 20186/23/2018966th$0.45
YearEventsAvg. Finish(UN)Improvement
Yearly Stats
YearGlobal Rank"Money"Events