Chapter News

Someone not named Tim wins something

August 8 - Somewhere in a Swamp, FL

For the first time in three tournaments, we had a champion other than Tim. John Kelso pretty much boatraced the field to take home his second win of the year (and career).

It was brutally hot this day at Stoneybrook. Your chapter leader pretty much wanted to die after the turn. Red keymaster Curtis only made it a few holes before saying "Fuck it, I don't need another bottle opener." But 20 shitty golfers perservered the conditions to fight for a 9-dollar purse and a glass trophy made in China. Gunn learned the hard way that winning too much has its consequences. Following up two impressive victories, he had to play from the tips, which at Stoneybrook is no small task as it plays over 7200 yards, with water in play on most holes. He still amazingly managed a top 10 finish, and looked good doing it, sporting full Payne Stewart regalia.

But the real story of the day was new FORE champ John Kelso. This asshole came into the clubhouse with an 81 gross (82 net). Not content with the 44 he shot on the front 9, Kelso turned it up on the back, shooting one over par (wait, what?). This is Kelso's second win of the season, and second win on tour as well, and he has rocketed to the head of the pack on the chapter money list with two tournaments remaining.

Event Results

1.John Kelso82$1.71
2.Chris Holland86$1.14
3.John Fitzpatrick88$0.95
4.Stephen Seagly90$0.86
5.Bernard Floody93$0.76
6.erik knudsen95$0.67
7.Timothy Gunn96$0.57
8.Kevin olivo97$0.48
9.Sean Hart99$0.38
10.Chris Dohrn100$0.29
11.doug leitch101$0.19
12.Paul McLellan103$0.10
13.Gary Cousineau105$0.07
13.Cody Brown105$0.07
13.Stephan Starnes105$0.07
16.Andrew Starnes111$0.03
17.doug burbridge117$0.00
18.Curtis HortonDNF$0.00