Chapter News

McKinnon Captures First Title!!

Welcome to the 2021 MGA season!! After the long off-season, the DC chapter happily got back to what is important:  friends, drinking beers outside, and whacking shit with sticks. Upon the tournament’s conclusion, however, I remain unconvinced that any of us are friends, we certainly did not get any damn beer, and we hit shit with sticks far too often. But we did crown a first-time champion! Congrats to Matt McKinnon, who shot 83 to break his title virginity with a four-stroke victory over Cody Vandevender!

We hosted the event at Falls Road, which was "interesting." Only those teeing off were allowed anywhere near the first tee. Unbeknownst to us, there would also be no beer. Inexplicably, in one of the first awesome weather, post-Daylight Savings Time change weekends, there was no beverage cart. They also closed the bar at 6pm, despite a ¾-full course and 90-plus minutes of daylight left. Some people just hate money, I guess. But at least we got to have the awards ceremony in the parking lot. Like hobos. Cool.

Despite the lack of liquid game-wrecker, we managed to play some mediocre golf. Fourteen golfers (??) teed it up, and the competition was… all over the place. Some folks managed to take advantage of the short course and posted personal MGA bests. This included Bennie Kovach (DQ’d by a nifty 79 after REPEATEDLY pissing and moaning about how he wasn’t going to break 100), Matt McKinnon, (83 and tournament champ!) and Cody Vandevender (86). Others kept it more “casual.” Jay LeBlanc three-putt 4 greens in 7 holes. Gil Nelson, with 6 penalty strokes, shot 102. (Sidebar:  Gil also said he wouldn’t break 100. But unlike Bennie, he’s not a fucking liar.) And Lauren Haspert shot 117 to go back-to-back, winning consecutive red keys. Sad face.

There also was the team competition. Bennie and Karen Larson successfully defended their Am-Am title, and not a single person named Bennie or Karen fucking cared. Literally no one.

Rebel Beach Am-Am final team standings, handicap adjusted scores and standings:

  1. Karen and Bennie – 138
  2. Cody and Ben – 144
  3. Justin and Jay – 150
  4. Lauren and Matt – 151
  5. Steve and Santiago – 152
  6. Mark and Dick – 160
  7. Tom and Gil – 174

AWARDS!! The most (and only) lucrative award was closest to the pin. Cody stuck it to 15’ 3”—and made the meagle!—to take home $55. Bennie's 79 and subsequent DQ took home the Low Gross Award. Newcomer Mark Magliocchetti wasted no time establishing mediocrity, taking home the Meltdown Award with a +6. And Karen snagged Most Mediocre when she hit her tee shot on the 5th hole to 32 feet… and promptly four-putted. Nailed it. 

We would also like to acknowledge several first-time players to the Chapter! Ben Stecker, Mark Magliocchetti, Gil Nelson, and Justin Dorsk all popped their MGA cherries. Welcome to the Suck Club, fellas!

The Bastards will be held next month, and it will be at a course much harder than Fall Road, mostly because Falls Road is the easiest course we play. I might be wrong, but I predict we will not have another event where 5 people break 90. I hope I’m wrong. I know I’m not.