Chapter News

It's A New Dawn, The Mianus MGA Is Born

The dawn breaks, the birds start chirping, the dew on the grass glistens as the sun starts its climb, a new chapter rises. The Inaugural Season of the Mianus MGA is born.

A group of six very below average golfers crowd around a car in the parking lot of the Lyman Orchards Golf Club, in anticipation of the Rebal Beach Am-Am (which the Mianus Board of Trustees has given a second name of The John Oats & Art Garfunkel Am-Am presented by Rebal Beach) is set to begin. Could 3 inches of rain the day before and ice patches on the course stop these medios from taking home the two headed trophy (which also includes a cassette tape of Hall & Oats or Simon & Garfunkel to the winners)? Heck no. In pure MGA fashion the course was so waterlogged we were forced to unfortunately only play the front 9 of the 2 courses that Lyman Orchards has to offer.

The day started out with the teams layering up as the winds whipped to roughly 20 MPH gusts, the beers started early as the 3 teams: The Magic Man & El Diablo (Viscardi/Olinger), Midnight Meat Train (Rosa/Diot), and PlaidBoys (Cebo/Barlow) stumbled their way to the first tee box. While the balls did not fly straight and the scores started to climb, the competition started to heat up. Our first challenge was the par 5-4th hole which was the Kinda Long Drive of the Day, Mr. Dylan Diot of the Midnight Meat Train was the only medio to hit the fairway and earned himself a medal and a Hot Wheels car to show everyone how long he can drive. After the abomination that was the first half, the front 9 of the Jones course, Jesse “The Magic Man” Viscardi had an extremely mediocre score of 55, a 5-stroke lead heading into the back 9.

The players turned to the back 9 in spectacular shitty fashion as we pull up to the front of the Players Course, famously designed by the South African Black Knight himself Gary Player.  We eventually arrived to the Kinda Close to the Pin on the par 3-4th hole, with a 22 MPH directly in the players face the green was elusive, (which the Mianus Board of Trustees have now determined to be running 2 KCTP holes at The Bastards), hopefully the medios are going to their weekly golf lessons. At the end of the round, with the medios muddy, cold, tired, and drunk the scores were tallied, the toes were warmed and the low score of the round was presented to me, Jesse “The Magic Man” Viscardi, the winner of the big check with a score of 106. (Some people are saying he decided to become a chapter leader just to beat all his friends at golf and win cool prizes, but that’s just what people are saying.) Chris “El Diablo” Olinger was dragged across the finish line (“If You Ain’t First You’re Last”) in which he simultaneously won both the two headed trophy and the Keys to the Red Tees, an honestly truly MGA feat, with a combined score of 249. Coming in second place in the team competition was PlaidBoys (Cebo/Barlow) with a 257 and rounding out the bottom were Midnight Meat Train (Rosa/Diot) with a 268. While the scores were not what the medios hoped for the fun meter was through the roof.

The Mianus MGA and the Mianus Board of Trustees are proud to announce the next tournament, The Chubbs Peterson Memorial Tournament presented by The Bastards on April 28 at Orange Hills Country Club, a home course for a lot of the Mianus medios. Who will take home the Blue Trucker Hat and Chubb Peterson’s Wooden Hand? Only time will tell, until next time, may your balls fly straight and may your club throws land soft.

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