Chapter News

The Future of SPOMGA is in Good Hands!

It's been a minute since we heard from the great orator Andy Butler. Here is his latest (and I say greatest) givings to his fellow medios. Enjoy! 

Great figures in history are not found by chance, they are bulbs who choose to shine brighter than the rest in the box and yank life by the nutsack like they are pull-starting a mower. The Spokane chapter of the Mediocre Golf Association has been anointed with two such leaders in its history, and tonight we celebrate their greatness.

Aye Gee

Andy Gardner, AG, Attorney General, father of children, husband, lover, fighter, and of course, founder and pioneer of the Eastern Washington SpoMGA chapter. It started with a dream, as AG gazed upon the raised green of the 18th hole at Downriver and envisioned a gaggle of drunk men cheering on finishing tournament competitors for their final strokes. He took this vision and formed what we know today as SpoMGA. But the dream would need dreamers, and the Gardner set out to find his crop.

 

It was on the cold streets of Cheney our founder would find a disciple named Matthew, son of Ittner. Matty Ice was broke, homeless, and using four lokos as toothpaste, cloaked in shame down a path that would only lead to a jail cell or a coffin.  AG worked tirelessly with Matt like Mickey did with Rocky, molding him into a bronze god of a golfer who would in 2 short years go on to win the World Championship in Las Vegas. Matthew is now married and father to 2 beautiful children and continues to slay cats up and down the fairway.

 

The rest of the beginnings could never be factually uncovered by historians and exist only in the tales and legends told by those who lived to see the days. Perhaps some stories are true, but fantasy will continue to mold itself into reality of the greatest golf chapter ever formed.

 

Uncle Scott

As the pressures of family and becoming a titan of Airway Heights industry weighed on AG, he would hand the torch some years later to a man of men Scott Kaulig. Little is known of Scott’s humble beginnings; his Wikipedia article claims he was born with tattoos and a beard and recruited to serve his country at the tender age of twelve (citation needed). Scott would go on to study medicine with cougars at university, eventually settling down and having a cub of his own while giving back to our Nation in the service of United States Veterans.

 

As chapter leader Scotty Too Hottie would build upon the foundation of the club, organizing and growing the group into what we know it as today. Our club exists thanks to these men, and without their efforts of herding cats we wouldn’t have the laughs or stories we cherish during our golf rounds.

I write this today with great honor to know these two fine gentlemen, and want to be the first to thank them for all they do in carrying on the greatest group I have ever been a part of. Whether it’s contacting courses to ensure we have times, collecting all dues/checks/trophies for attendees, updating the website, or reporting to El Presidente the goings on of our group I hope you will all take time to thank them for getting us all together knowing how much time they spend on this for us.

 

So this weekend, get AG a round of crisp, cool, refreshing Bud Lights that won’t fill you up but will never let you down; and make sure Uncle Scott has a fresh 7and7 in his hand when you see him. It’s not easy being a leader, and for whatever reason our crew has been anointed with two of the greatest.

 

 

-AB

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Comments

The founding fathers of this great nation would weep at the poetic justice you just served up. And I am weeping too, mostly cause the chopping of onions, but also at the care of what it takes to make this club more than just golf.

Beautiful! THANK YOU founding fathers! Wonderfully written AB & thank you as well!

Amen brother Andy

A great article for two great men!