Chapter News




The results from the Douchebag invitational are in.


Well I believe that this may have been one of the best golf days in a while or at least the weather was extremely nice out at the Madera Municipal Golf course. The course was in good shape but the greens were a little slow. But then that speaks a lot for the players as well.


This was the second to the last stop on the MGA Golf Tournament tour. The turnout today was a little on the light side but that doesn't come anywhere close to defining the quality of golf that was had on the course.


There were a couple of upsets and surprises along the way and then there were some results that were predicted.


Let's start with the longest drive of the day. Kevin called the AMC a couple of weeks ago and said that he wanted to come and defend his championship at the Douchebag Open from last year. Kevin didn't win the tournament but he did win the longest drive. He also won the most mediocre award with a net score of 98.


The closest to the Pin, within 10 ft of the pen, was Teddy. The biggest meltdown was Eleazar who shot 49 on the front and 58 on the back with a difference of nine strokes. The big surprise was that Eleazar did not win the red key today but instead the coveted red key went to Jim, with a whopping 112. We were all talking about chipping into by Eliazar golf lessons but we may have to rethink that.


I do have to say that Jim tried to bribe the AMC with several fake one hundred dollar bills prior to the start of the tournament. There's a possibility this is the karma that he endured, shooting 112.


And then at no surprise to us the younger Ronnie shot a 78 which earned him another disqualification and another gross trophy keychain. ( We all wonder what he's doing with all of these keychains)


The big winner of the day however once again was Rogelio the Rez Resendez. Rogelio shot a net score of 89. There was some talk after the tournament that maybe we need to hire a private investigator to follow him around and see where he's getting his golf lessons.


There is a rumor floating around the tour that prior to tee time this morning Rogelio asked the AMC if he could play from the whites instead of the blues. He indicated that he would be willing to take last place if this wish was granted. He also led the AMC to believe that he was incapable of playing from the blues because of his health. But yet he wins the tournament go figure.


The next and last stop on the MGA tour for Fresno County is at Airways in Fresno. This is the last gasp tournament. The AMC has spoken.