Chapter News

The DC Chapter Crowns Two New Major Champions

Two members of the DC chapter have popped their MGA cherries with major victories. Congratulations to RJ Diokno for winning the Bastards, and Tim Pino for winning the MGA (and then ghosting us—more below)!!

The first major of the year was held at the University of Maryland Golf Course and featured a field of 19 players. In the end, penalty strokes played the role of decider as RJ and Matt McKinnon shot matching gross 84s. But with Matt sporting one extra stroke, RJ took down the check to win his maiden MGA title. He also tied with Angie Yamamoto for handicap adjusted score. But since she peace’d out early, she was not there to partake in the putting contest, so RJ also took home the trophy—well done!

Bennie Kovach posted a solid 82 to take home the Low Gross award, which in no way, shape, or form is going to further fuel his ego. Laa Young “won” the Meltdown with a nifty +7, and “won” the Red Key with a not-so-nifty 123. Evey Staff snagged the Mediocre Award with quite the performance on the 13th hole. After pushing his tee shot into the tree line on the right side, the ball hit a tree and bounced back roughly 50 yards—near the trees and in the thick rough. He then hit his next shot into a tree, and that net him a nice negative-16 yards. Not to be outdone by his own dumb ass, he then hit his NEXT shot ANOTHER 10 yards behind him. Staggering stuff, Evey... Most importantly (or at least most lucratively), Karen Larson bagged $100 when she won the closest to the pin contest with a shot to 4’ 9” on the 8th hole.

So congratulations to the new champ, and a big “Welcome to DC” for the chapter’s newest transplant, Mike St. Romain, and to Angie, who played her first event with us.

Next, we moved down to South Riding Golf Course, site of the 2022 MGA Championship. It was obvious this event was going to be wild before the first shot was even struck. Jay LeBlanc lost another range finder. Randy Lizardo hauled ass to the course directly from New Jersey, obliterating any sense of golf etiquette or decorum when he ran down the hill from the clubhouse, straight across the 9th fairway while people were playing it, over another hill through tall, tick-ridden fescue, and arrived out of breath at the first tee. All with 20+ minutes to spare before he teed off. And then there was the starter, whose Nazi-like control of the golf carts and Beavis-like intelligence made for a truly bold welcome. Fortunately, the day would improve.

Tom Pino, going about his round with his head in the clouds and seemingly oblivious to not only the rules of the MGA regarding breaking 80, coupled with an inability to factor in other people’s penalty strokes, shot 89 to win the big check. His handicap adjusted 65 also took home the slick MGA medallion. But remember when I said he ghosted us? Yeah, this fuckin’ guy finished his round and went home. Literally. He packed the fuck up, and went the fuck home. So, here’s a picture of Tom with his big check:

Kidding, kidding. Here’s the real picture.

The rest of the field suffered through the insanely thick rough and slick greens. Bennie and Jay posted matching 78s to DQ themselves, the first time the chapter had a dual disqualification. Their 78s are also why Tom did not think he won. And went home. Did I mention that part??

The Meltdown Award was split three ways:  Bennie, Santiago Reyes, and 2022 Bastards Champ RJ Diokno, who couldn’t quite tame the back tees. He did however, tame the 14th hole to take down the closest to the pin contest, worth $90. Tom Donnellan captured the Red Key, while Mike St. Romain took home the Mediorce Award, but I honestly cannot remember why. I’m fairly certain it also involved hitting golf shots with net negative distance, which is becoming a disturbing trend for this chapter.

Lastly, another welcome to a new member, Cole Ingraham! Cole, I know you’re friends with Tom, so let me get in front of a potential faux pas:  always hang around after your round. We have beers, reminisce about all those topped and fatted shots, make fun of each other, and give out awards. It’s not much, but it’s honest work.

See you all at the F. U. Open!

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Epic writeup!