Chapter News

Caddies, Please!

[By: Joe Faga]
Jason Smelser started the Last Gasp on top of the Columbus Chapter money list, way out in front. Unfortunately, having won the last two mediocre tournaments, he was serving his penalty from the far back of the blue tees and shot a net 102. He finished way out of the money.
This opened the door for a shootout for the chapter championship, as Brad Schimmoeller (Schimmymmomellremmmolermore to his friends) and Justin Scribner tied for the lead in the Last Gasp and entered a playoff for the win. All the medios who stuck around for the awards ceremony formed a socially-distanced gallery around the par-3 9th while Scribby and Schimm-y grabbed a few clubs from the cars, handed them to their volunteer caddies and climbed the hill to the tee.


In true mediocre golf style, Schimm-y teed off and pulled it right. Scribby duffed one into the creek but re-teed and was laying 3 on the green. 

After much consultation, antics, theatrical green reading, and lots of wiping and fluffing, Brad ended up bogey-ing the hole for the Last Gasp win and the 2020 Columbus Chapter championship. 

Some day his name, too, will be immortalized on masking tape on the Columbus Champ ons board.

Brad also won closest to the pin and the gross award. Luckily his loyal caddie was there to help him haul his check, trophy, and other baubles to his car. Hope the 10% tip was worth it.
Overall though it was quite a round for Scribby to mount the leaderboard in the first place. He overcame a bad lie in the sand.

Sunny D took his second mediocre award in as many tournaments. I think he truly gets what this group is all about. Biggest Meltdown went to Joe Faga, his second, just barely avoiding the key to the red tees by a stroke, which was won by Jeff Gilligan. Again.  By the way, Jeff made two pars at this event and landed on ten cart paths, to the best of our knowledge. We lost count. He hit some of those cart paths more than once.

In other news, Steve Sillato backed out at the last minute with a painting injury. I'm not making this up. Apparently painting those little happy trees can be debillitating. Retirement is such a struggle.

Mediocre quotes of the day:
1. 130 is one of my toughest yardages, next to all the other yardages.
2. So how does that strap-on work?
BTW, what was up with all the gunshots around this course? Can't a guy three-putt in peace?

Event Results

1.Brad Schimmoeller87$1.12
2.Justin Scribner87$0.74
3.Matt Bigelow90$0.59
3.Brian Zimmerschied90$0.59
5.Joe Milacek91$0.50
6.Nicholas Johnston92$0.43
7.Jabrones Golf93$0.28
7.Elliot Mork93$0.28
7.Fredrick Miller93$0.28
7.Jason Strickland93$0.28
11.Robert McArthur94$0.08
11.Doug Short94$0.08
11.Graydon Spanner94$0.08
14.Mathew Mayo95$0.04
14.Sundar Digumarthy95$0.04
16.Steven Baybutt98$0.02
16.David Knowles98$0.02
18.Eric Heberle99$0.00
19.Patrick Affourtit100$0.00
20.Matt Arrasmith 101$0.00
21.Jason Smelser102$0.00
21.Justin Kudela102$0.00
23.Corinne Bigelow105$0.00
24.Ian S Bach107$0.00
25.Paul Miller111$0.00
26.Jay Patel115$0.00
27.Joe Faga117$0.00
28.Jeff Gilligan118$0.00