Chapter News

BREAKING: Morley Leaves MGA to Pursue Racing Fulltime; Lamont named as replacement

By Scoop McMedio
MGA Correspondent

Middle America, USA -- In a move that is likely to kinda shake the MGA to its core, founder and El Presidente Jon "Lucky Kick" Morley revealed today he plans to give up running his worldwide mediocre golf empire to accept a driver's seat for 2021 with Redbull Racing in F1. Morley not only shocked his teammates at Roadshagger Racing, where Morley enjoyed a modicum of success driving the past few seasons in the IMSA Michelin Pilot Challenge, he rocked the Mediocre Golf world by choosing Eric ",,," Lamont to replace him, bypassing MGA co-founder "Straight" WIllie Dills. 
"No disrespect to Willie, and this was not a decision I came to lightly, but I felt the MGA needed someone experienced at herding a large number of medios and Lamont has proven he's up to the task by pretending to run the MGA's largest chapter," Morley said. "Let's face it, Austin has like five dudes, and that's just not the kind of numbers that prepare you to run the Big Show."
Dills declined to comment on the news, but did indicate he would hold a press conference on Twitch at 3 a.m.

In the 15+ years since the MGA was birthed by Morley, Dills and a Doula in a San Francisco flophouse, Morley oversaw the rise of the MGA into a global empire, replete with glory, scandal, tales of redemption and international reach. But, despite the heady accomplishment and imminent lucrative payoff on the backs of multi-medio "Super Chapters," Morely could not say no to achieving his dream of racing at the highest level.
"When Red Bull Racing reached out to me to offer me a seat in one of their cars, I was freaking stoked - that's a dream come true," Morley said. "It was kinda weird that they told me in a letter that was wrapped around a Smirnoff Ice, but I guess I shouldn't have been surprised, I've been getting iced in the mail for years."
Red Bull's decision to bypass better-known, more appropriately sized drivers and select Morley was not without some controversy and challenges. Morley, who is approximately 7 feet tall, becomes by far the tallest driver in F1 history, and the Red Bull team had to get a special exemption from FIA to allow for Morley's towering stature in the cockpit. 

Preseason testing went off without a hitch, and Morley has been given the green light to race.
"We decided eef Red Bull wants to put a driver in zeir car whose entire head and neck sticks out above ze roll cage, zat ees zer business," said FIA president Jean Todt. "He's got a helmet, he should be fine."

Incoming MGA president Lamont wasted no time announcing changes under his regime:
"From now on, there will be only one chapter. Vegas," Lamont said via FB decree. "All medios will become members of the Vegas chapter,,,,and all tournaments will be played at Revere."

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Panel Of Experts (16)

Comments

it not a joke !!!!

I can't believe you didn't already have them made.

Funny. I can't believe I read till the end and still was like, "What is this nonsense?!"

I mean, I don’t understand why Jon can’t do both. Drivers barely do anything before race day & we all know the MGA runs itself at this point. I say give him a third job: PBR Distributor.

I’ve finally figured out my ˈdo͞oSHbaɡ invitational outfit for this this year!! Thanks for the inspiration LVMGA “El Prez”.

fuck Sergio Perez. Morley is heads above him by at least 12 inches and the only one who can challenge Max Verstappen or Lewis Hamilton for the title.

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