Chapter News

Biggest Purse. Lowest turnout. Same result.


Saturday, May 18th. Determined to make things run smoothly for the Fore! Championship, I arrived at the course well over an hour early to set up and settle dealings with the course staff. As I was approaching the clubhouse I noticed a small group of homeless people staggering around the far end of the parking lot. One of them mumbled something indecipherable to me. Trying not to make eye contact I simply lowered my head and briskly continued on my way… I didn't have time to be searching my pockets for change.

I found a table in a suitable location to set up, so I set down all my gear and walked into the bar for a drop of the pure to settle my nerves. The barman took my order then as he was scaling his ladder to the top shelf he asked me what group I was with. "I'm with the MGA." I replied. "Oh, those guys" he stammered."They've been waiting for you to arrive." Thinking to myself he must be mistaken I simply smiled and nodded before taking my drink and heading back to my table to get set up.
I sat down at my table and within a few short moments I heard some kind of shuffling sound. I looked up to see the same homeless people heading towards me groaning like extras from Dawn of the Dead, until I recognised one of them……  It was Karl Cottrell. We're off to a good start.
So it turns out that 60% of the competitors were out all night at a Frenzal Rhomb show, and it would appear they came straight to the course afterwards rather than going home to nap for fear of doing a "Kiki" and failing to awaken. Despite this 'Krarl' Cottrell was in fine form once he hit the course, and for this stellar effort I feel it only fair to give him the first mention in this article for his outstanding achievements which include, but not limited to…….    1) Making it to the course early.    2) Bringing another handful of inebriated Medios with him.    3) Providing BJ Lee with clothing.    4) Carding one of his best scores of all time with a BAC in excess of .510%
Bradley 'Danger' McGrath is fast becoming a favourite on tournament day due to his charismatic and loveable demeanour. He is now dubbed "MGAMDP" (Most Dynamic Player) after necking a bottle of Jack Daniels on the front nine. He took the closest to pin award with ease by dropping his 160m tee shot to within 1 foot of the cup. 
Andrew Hockey threw his club in disgust as his tee shot headed towards the middle of a lake, though his anger quickly turned to over celebration as his ball then skipped across the water only to roll up to the green on the other side.
Mike Hall wasn't overly happy with his performance however amongst a field of some very big hitters, Hally crushed them all with his longest drive of 320m (probably) - I believe this translates to approximately 1000 yards.
Brandon Lee "BJ" is relatively new to golf. This disadvantage, coupled with being a lefty surprised many when he carded a net score of 72. His swing consistency was outstanding with perfect timing and he seemed disturbingly comfortable on the course considering he claims he has only played once or twice. Rumours of sandbagging were uttered amongst the rest of the Medios. He shot 72 on the back 9 also.
The battle for first place was a tough one with back to back winner Rhys Germaney fighting it out for the win against the infamous Canadian Trevor Graham.
Trevor took home the gross award with an impressive 81, however carrying 10 penalty strokes made it impossible to stop Rhys from winning his 3rd back to back victory with a net score of 89.

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Panel Of Experts (5)


I seriously need to head down to Perth! Well done Luke, your chapter fucking rules now!

You're welcome any time mate, It's a bloody long flight though.

Though I appreciate the mention, "Doing a Kiki" is a copyrighted catchphrase. I insist on being compensated, or else I will be forced to contact my attorney. :) I nearly did a Kiki by showing up late to work today still spinning from yesterday's FORE.

You guys are an inspiration to drunks....I mean Medios....everywhere.

I know this, I registered the Kiki trademark after the 2010 WC when I myself did a Kiki before Kiki had even done a Kiki.