Chapter News

Bastards

Indian Canyon National. An oasis of career defining moments, where all members of the blue and white hat club have had a story to tell. It began years ago in Spokane with names like baby boy Ittner, Nasty Netz, 3 Putt Butler, and Father Ittner, who returns to defend his 2020 title. Now comes what they’ve all been waiting for: a chance to feel that made-in-Vietnam fiber and snapback enclosure tightly against their sweaty headpiece. It is another April Saturday at the Canyon with 23 competitors entering the field, who’s story is about to be told, at the Bastards. 
 
Hello everyone and welcome, I’m Jim Nantz, you’re guide to another historic major tournament of the MGA. Springtime is the season of renewal for the sordid swings of golf’s most motley crew, and Big Juicy IPA’s in-hand our tournament began Friday evening. The Bastards is all about tradition, and It’s always a family affair at the (semi)annual Par-3 contest at the Eagle Ridge short course.  Memories were made that will last a lifetime for our players, but none more so than for the overall winner of the event, Taylor Reed. Who’s six-month old future LPGA tour champion got to witness her father seal a victory scoring EVEN on the day. 

 

Bastards Saturday began steeped again in tradition, with the annual Champions’ breakfast in the clubhouse. Mike Ittner’s menu of the morning consisted of bloody Mary’s, Coors light and OJ and fat-ass breakfast burritos as the former champions and chapter leader traded tales of hope, woe and victories yet to come. 

Framed by towering pines, sloped fairways and slippery greens our tournament began. While we attempted to find 2 senior citizens as our annual honorary starters, we relinquished to allow the first group to tee off downhill on the first tee uninterrupted. Raucous ensued throughout the morning with the course marshal hot on everyone’s dick to continue pace of play. 70 sunny and barely a breeze, the Spokane MGA members began battling out. 

Stories can only be told through the chapters that make the book, and literary perfection was scripting itself on the 18th hole where 3 players finished in breathing distance of the coveted victory. Gathered on the patio 3 players emerged in a tie for putt-off, all sitting at 91 after penalty stroke additions. Round 1 proceeds on 3 separate hole locations, and Andy Benson takes himself out of the running on the 2nd leaving only 2 competitors, Nick Kovarik and Andy Butler. Hot like wasabi when they write rhymes NDK and AWB continued the putt-off in a record number of placements. But only one can emerge victorious, and with Ronny James Dio playing in his head, Butler connected the downhill slider to remove an asterisk and solidify his place as a true Bastards Champion. Tiger Woods AB on his comeback victory:

“When I tapped the putt in, I don’t know what I did. I know I screamed, and then I was just looking for Nick somewhere. To have all my friends there, it’s come full-circle. You know, my first event was here in ’18, and now I’m the guy with his friends here for me. I think that everyone out here got a chance to witness something that was amazing and just a competitive environment. Everyone was playing golf at the same time and It could have gone so many different ways. Just had to hang in there and persevere.” 

A conquering hero, he wins his second blue and white hat. Signing off and done stroking Andy’s ego, we’ll see you animals next year. 

-AB

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Breakfast of Champions total remains the same - can't believe I missed this