Chapter News

Back-nine 38 Propels Larson to Victory

Medios from across the DMV arrived at the University of Maryland Golf Course with major visions dancing in their heads. Machismo was in the air. Many intended to lay claim to that golden medallion and using it for pick up line introductions. Flava Flav fucked with a big-ass clock around his neck. Surely some macho man with subpar equipment and a crappy set of golf clubs could fair at least that well with plated jewelry. The competition was fierce, and the taunting even more so. The pressure was at an 11, and the testosterone riding at an all-time high. And in the end… they all got beat by a chick.

Karen Larson putting on a disgustingly impressive but completely unMGA-like back nine to capture her third title (second major) and first title since 2019. Karen shot a very spot-on 51 on the front and then went complete fucking LPGA Q-school candidate with a 38 on the back to win by two over Jay LeBlanc. There are unconfirmed reports that this represents her best 9-hole score ever. Kudos, Karen!! The champion also captured the trophy with a handicap adjusted 70, while Jay took home Low Gross with an 85.

The DC MGA chapter continues to grow in 2021, and we had four new members join us:  Paul Toland, RJ Diokno, Randy Lizardo, and Jovi Flores. Welcome to chapter fellas. Based on your scores at the MGA Championship, you and your games should feel right at home. Two of you were so comfortable, you took home performance awards! Meltdown Award to Randy with a catastrophic +8 and Red Key Award to Jovi after a 127. Embrace the suck, fellas!

Finally, we had some closest to the pin contests. Andrew Hedetniemi (Baltimore chapter) was registered and paid but had to bail at the last minute. Being a total gentleman, he instructed me to use his entry money for CTPs. (Sidebar:  BALLER move, Aaron. The next time you play with us, all your drinks are on me.) So, we had a total of three—one that we normally host (#13, $65), and two smaller prizes funded by Aaron (#2, #17, $30 each). Paul took the prize at #2 when he was apparently the only person to hit the green (33-plus feet) while Jay took the money at #17…

…What’s that you say? Who won the contest at #13? Oh, that was taken down by a little known MGAer named No One. Because we all fucking suck and apparently can’t hit a slightly elevated, 6,000 sq. ft. green from 165 yards out. But the good thing about having no pride is that you feel no shame. The $65 will be rolled into next month’s F. U. Open CTP contest. Maybe work on the mid-irons, HMMMM?!

Finally, newcomers took down the last award, the Mediocre Award. Good job Paul. I’ll spare everyone the details but let just say navigation and listening skills aren’t fortes. For what it’s worth, Santiago had a massive hand in that Laurel and Hardy skit. While I recognize his first language is Spanish, Arabic numerals are universally used, so there's no excuse, pendejo. In hindsight, I should have made them fight over the Golden M like a Thanksgiving wishbone.

Until next month, medios…