Chapter News

Atlanta F.U. Open 2016

HOLY SHYT!!!  He finally won one after 2 years.  It has been two years since the Chapter Leader (Bruce Henry) actually won a freaking tournament.  His hiatus from the winners circle has been largely due to the fact that he simply SUCKS at golf.  With a few crazy shots and a few timely pars (bogies), he actually pulled off a victory at Saturday’s F.U. Open.  The chapter leader was quoted as saying: “It’s about F&CKING time”.  Some people attribute this win to the fact that he FINALLY wore shorts (shorts featured in photo) to a tournament.  When asked, what made him wear shorts today, he replied: “It’s hot as shyt out here”. 

 

In other SUCKY news, this tournament featured 4 separate holes (par 3’s) for ANYBODY to win closest to the pin.  There were 5 people in contention at each hole and NOT ONE of us was able to even land on the green at any of the 4 attempts.  We can only conclude that this was due to SUCKING very badly.

We have to make mention our biggest meltdown guy: Richard Pristera threw three balls into the lake on number 11 with his trusty driver.  When asked, why not just go over there and take the drop, Rich simply said: “F*ck IT, I don’t care”.  As we added up his strokes for that hole, we used an abacus and some higher lever mathematics.  It was entertaining as hell to watch.  As Rich approached many holes near water, he simply talked himself into putting the balls in the water by making this statement before every attempt: “I’m probably gonna F$CK this up”.  We applaud his confidence.

Our two lefties played a solid round of steady golf all day.  They got to the 18th and decided to start a fight with another group playing number 10.  OK, that’s not exactly true but this newsletter has never been known for being factual and the editor doesn’t give a shyt about integrity.  Sadly, the a$$holes playing number 10 were being a$$holes and running back and forth through the 18th fairway while the lefties were trying to play and finish.  Then they had the nerve to be upset when they were called on it.  My advice to anyone ever caught in that situation again, just hit your ball.  F#ck’em if they don’t move out of the way.  In the end, play resumed and we finished our terrible round of golf.

This newsletter would be remiss if it did not mention the fact that Stephen Raymore did not shoot his usual 125++++.  We are pleased to note that he actually shot a respectable 112.  I know what you all are thinking: 112, respectable?  To those of you thinking that, I say:  “You smug b@stards, F.U. (WIDE) Open”.  #mgatour #ATLMGA

 

Event Results

#NameScore"Money"
1.Bruce J Henry98$0.42
2.The Sarge102$0.26
2.Jamie White102$0.26
4.Stephen Raymore112$0.21
5.Richard Pristera115$0.19

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Comments

Finally. Good job!!!!