1.1 Must be a mediocre golfer capable of some very ugly shots
1.2 Must have a valid MGA Tour membership and online account to enter events
1.3 Must not have caused the MGA any embarrassment at the last tournament
1.4 Embarrassing yourself with your play is acceptable
1.5 Women are in! In fact, we like women so much, they can even play from the ladies tees in the tournaments, assuming that is what their handicap is based on.
1.6 Significant others at tournaments are frowned upon. Very frowned upon.
1.7 Players must have at least 5 tournament scores in their handicap, with a minimum of 3 of those tournament scores coming from the current season, to be eligible for the World Championships.
2.1 Handicaps are used to bring good players back to mediocre scores. No one in the MGA gets strokes taken off their score, only added.
2.2 All players with handicaps better than 18 will be given penalty strokes to compensate for their superhuman performance capabilities.
2.2.1 The amount of penalty strokes a player carries is calculated by rounding their handicap up from .5 and down from .4, then subtracting that number from 18. (ex. Handicap of 15.4 = 15, so 18-15=3 penalty strokes) This is automatically calculated on your MGAtour.com profile. You must have at least 5 scores entered to calculate a handicap.
2.3 Your handicap can only be represented by the handicap feature on MGAtour.com. Once you enter your first five user scores when setting up your account, that option will go away and all handicaps will be based on your tournament scores from MGA competition. We will use your 8 most recent scores and take the best 3 differentials to determine your handicap. -more info here-
2.3.1 If you have less than five scores registered to your account, you will not be able to generate a handicap and as a result will not be allowed to enter any MGA events. So put some scores in sandbagger!!
2.4 The winner of each tournament will receive the following penalty. At the next event they play, they must play from one set of tees further back than everyone else. If they don’t win that event, they will return to the normal tees at the next event. However, if they win, they will move back ANOTHER set of tees at the next event and end up two sets of tees behind everyone else! Stop being so damn good! If they don’t win that event, they will return to the normal tees at the next event.
2.5 KEY TO THE RED TEE - The player with the highest gross score from each event will unlock the following award. At the next event they play, they are allowed to play from one set of tees further forward than everyone else. If they shoot the highest gross score AGAIN from those tees, they can move forward another set at the next event. If they do not shoot the highest gross score while playing the forward tees, they will return to the normal tees and pass the key on to its new "winner".
2.5.1 If the “winner” doesn't attend the next event, the prize is forfeited.
2.5.2 Acceptance of this rule is up to the awarded player. If a players ego won’t allow them to accept such an award, they are welcome to stay at the normal tees with everyone else and shoot another 147 from there.
2.5.3 The key is not transferrable to another player.
3.1 Tournaments are to be played by USGA rules. No improving lies, no mulligans, no gimmes, no grounding clubs in hazards. USGA rules! If you don’t know ‘em, there’s an app for that. Get it!
3.1.1 The USGA shook shit up for 2019 (by stealing a bunch of MGA rules) and we're gonna go along with it. Check out all the big changes HERE. It's worth your while to give them a look, as many are big advantages for mediocre golfers!
3.2 GPS is allowed!! We’ve decided that now that it’s so affordable on smartphones, why fight it? We suck at golf and need to know how far it is to the green from two fairways over. Don’t like this rule? Then don’t use GPS and give dirty looks to the guys who do.
3.2.1 NEW FOR 2023: Slope help is now legal, so you can stop pretending that you weren't using it all along in your expensive-ass rangefinder or app. We made this change because apps have brought the cost of this technology down to an affordable level and because there is absolutely no way to police it. If you're still reading and confused, yes, it used to be illegal to use slope on your rangefinder.
3.3 We'll be using the USGA's new OB rule now, so provisionals are probably a thing of the past (unless you shank it OB 10 yards in front of the tee box). Learn the new rule HERE and remember that it's TWO penalty strokes!
3.3.1 After hitting one of your many horrible shots, you have 3 MINUTES to look for your ball where you think you lost it. After three minutes you must throw out a few F-bombs and move along, the ball is gone. Just wanted to draw your attention to the fact that this rule that we've had since 2006 was directly lifted by the USGA for their new rulebook. A lost ball plays the same as O.B., so refer to rule 3.3 above to start golfing again.
3.4 Everyone should have a scorecard and keep everyone else’s scores in each foursome. It’s a lot easier to confront some loser about his cheating or terrible arithmetic skills if his score seems wrong to all three of you. At the end of the round, everyone should compare front and back nine totals for each player before submitting them to the scorekeeper.
3.5 If a player is caught cheating he is to be humiliated and ridiculed until he either stops cheating or stops showing up. Both options are acceptable.
3.6 The winner of each tournament is the player who shoots the lowest score. Make sure to add any penalty strokes people may be carrying before sorting the final standings.
3.7 PLAYOFFS – In the event of a tie at the end of 18 holes, the tied players will contest as many playoff holes as possible and permissible by the course. If the tie cannot be broken with these holes, it will go to a putt-off on the practice green.
3.7.1 Putt-off – The players will putt at different holes (of similar difficulty) so no one has the advantage of seeing a line. An impartial judge will walk 10 paces from each hole for the player to putt from. They will putt at their hole from 10 paces three times from three different angles chosen by the judge. Lowest total number of putts wins. Repeat until a winner is determined.
3.7.2 All players who make it to the playoff and do not win are awarded a tie for second place, regardless of their elimination order.
3.8 Prize "money" is distributed to the top 16 players and is automatically calculated by the site when the events are entered. The percentages of the purse are as follows. Yes, we know it doesn’t add up to 100%, but that’s because no one on this tour plays to 100% of their potential.
3.8.1 If a field has less than 16 players, the overall purse will be reduced by 1/16th for each player they are short of 16. That way players who compete in larger chapters and beat more people will rightly rank higher on the Global Money List. The site automatically calculates the correct purse amount before each event based on the number of entrants. The percentage of the total purse awarded to each position (see chart below) remains the same regardless of the overall size of the purse.
1st-18%
2nd-12%
3rd-10%
4th-9%
5th-8%
6th-7%
7th-6%
8th-5%
9th-4%
10th-3%
11th-2%
12th-1%
13th-.9%
14th-.7%
15th-.5%
16th-.3%
3.8.2 Ties receive the total of the next two positions split evenly. So a tie for 2nd would receive 2nd+3rd money divided by 2.
3.9 Players may play only one of each event type (e.g. one F.U. Open) per year. They may play this event in any chapter they desire, but if they attempt to enter the same event a second time in another chapter, the site will block them. Any "money" won at the event they play in, will go to the money list of the chapter they competed in and also to their Global Money total. Money won in chapters other than your home chapter cannot be transferred back to your home chapter’s money list, but will count towards your global total.
3.9.1 You may now register for any event you desire as a GUEST. You will be included on the registration pages and in the foursomes, but you will not be included in the results. If you play as a GUEST in one event type (e.g. FU Open), you will still be able to enter that same event type later as a COMPETITOR.
3.10 Shooting a gross score of 79 or better is an automatic disqualification from the tournament, no matter how many penalty strokes you have. This voids all money list awards and most prizes for that tournament. Go join the Web.com Tour asshole.
3.10.1 Players who shoot sub-80 are still eligible for the Gross Award, given to the player with the lowest gross score on the day. So while you may plummet on the money list, at least you’ll have the smallest, crappiest trophy we could find to hang on your golf bag.
3.10.2 Players may not three, four, five, six, seven, etc.-putt on purpose on the final green for an 80. Sandbagging will not be tolerated as it violates the 9HDB rule and everything the MGA stands for. If your Chapter Leader hears you sandbagged, he is authorized to penalize you however he damn well pleases. If you’re having a hard time shooting over 80, try playing from the other side of the ball.
3.11 MAX SCORE - To help with pace of play and reduce golf-related suicides, players with a handicap of 25 or higher MAY choose to pick up and record a 10 after hitting 10 shots on any hole. If your handicap is under 25 you can never pick up... ever.
3.12 FORWARD TEES - NEW FOR 2023 - The time has come to publish an official rule on forward tees, as Chapter Leaders are beginning to have to deal with this now that the MGA is entering its 18th season! After conferring with Chapter Leaders and doing a bunch of soul searching on a Himalayan mountain top, this is what we've come up with.
3.12.1. Medios with a handicap of 20.9 or better from the field tees can not move forward. You are still a kinda alright mediocre golfer from the field tees, so you'll play where everyone else does.
3.12.2. Medios with handicaps or 21 or higher can only move forward between seasons and must turn 65 before the start of the new season.
3.12.3. If you win the Chapter Money List from the forward tees; congratulations, you’re not quite dead yet and you’ll be playing the next season back on the field tees.
3.12.4. Moving forward means playing ONE set of tees up from the field tees and no further (unless you win the Key to the Red Tee of course).
3.12.5. Chapter Leaders may file for an exemption with El Presidente if 50% or more of their chapter holds an AARP card or an @aol.com email address. Medios whose average score is higher than their average driver distance might qualify for an exemption as well.
3.12.6. Chapter Leaders are also within their rights to say, "sorry, them's the rules" and any members who are not happy with this rule change are welcome to a full refund of their membership.
4.1 The Gross Award is given to the player with the lowest gross score on the day. (That means the lowest score before penalty strokes are added.)
4.2 The Most Mediocre Award is given to one special player who finishes in the middle in the tournament. It can be given based on exact position or a judgment call based on someone’s exceptionally mediocre play, but the player should finish near the middle of the field to win the award.
4.3 The Meltdown award is given to the player with the greatest meltdown differential. If a player shoots a 42 on the front nine and 52 on the back nine, he has a meltdown differential of ten and should be rewarded for being mediocre enough to pull that off. The award DOES NOT go to a player who goes the other way. If a player improves by ten strokes on the back nine, then they are putting distance between themselves and mediocrity and that should never be rewarded!
9.H.D.B. The 9 Hole Douche Bag rule. You must play at least nine holes with a new person before deciding to tell them about the MGA. It’s easy to get excited when you get paired up with someone whose game is just as bad as yours. Beware though, douche bags have an innate ability to seem almost cool for 8.5 holes. Wait until you’re teeing off on the 10th before deciding whether you want to see this person at all the MGA events. (Common back nine occurrences when DB's "Hulk out" are club throwing, anger issues and SSS (Sudden Slug Syndrome), where their pace of play grinds to a near-standstill.)
Here’s how to qualify for the World Championship. But before you can qualify, you must first become eligible by playing in at least 3 regular season events this season and having at least 5 career event scores.
5.1 Finish top 10 on your chapter’s money list
5.2 Win a regular season event in your home chapter
5.3 Former World Champions and Global Money Champions get five-year qualified status
5.4 Be a Chapter Leader
5.5. Finish Top 16 in the previous year's Born Hairy Tour Championship
5.6 If you don't meet eligibility rules or qualify through one of the means above, you will most likely be playing in the Born Hairy Tour Championship on MGAWC weekend. It is played on the same dates at a different Vegas course and the Top 16 finishers earn qualified WC spots for the following year.
These are some recommendations to make your rounds more entertaining. Not rules per se, but it might be good to give them a read.
1 During all MGA tournaments, players are required to carry a moistened towel or rag to the green with them. The MGA will make the most inexpensive towel we can find available on our website to help everyone comply with this new rule. We will also offer nicer embroidered towels for people who want to show off how much money they make. This rule has been implemented so players will be in accordance with rule 1.2.
1.2 In the rare event that a player hits a green in regulation, he may mark his ball and then choose anyone in his foursome to clean it for him before he putts. He may say, “get that will you” or “here you go” or “not too much spit” or simply, “here bitch” as he either tosses or rolls the ball to his opponent. He may also choose to just crouch to mark his ball and hold it out behind him without making eye contact with anyone. In this situation, the competitor nearest him is expected to come take the ball and clean it thoroughly before lightly placing it back in his opponent’s hand. If a player is in violation of rule 3.11 and does not have a towel with him, he must clean the ball with his shirt or pants leg.
1.2.1 Players who hit the green in regulation may choose anyone in their foursome to clean their ball. Even if the player they choose has also hit the green in regulation, he is required to clean their ball while he is having his own ball cleaned by someone else.
1.3 On all par 3’s, players who hit the green with their first shot are permitted to do the victory walk. Meaning they may toss their club either on the ground or in the general direction of their bag, snap the Velcro loose on their glove and arrogantly peel it off finger by finger before also tossing that to the ground. They may then take off walking towards the green right down the middle of the hole. During this victory walk, the player will outstretch his dominant hand, without looking back, to receive his putter from his opponent who has already picked up his club and glove for him and placed them back into his bag.
1.3.1 If 3 out of 4 players hit the green, the sad sap that missed is responsible for all the equipment left scattered around the tee box. If by some miracle, everyone in the group hits the green, the victory walks cancel each other out and all players are responsible for their own equipment.
1.4 Don't be a SLUUUG. If you're a slow player, you are squarely responsible for the long slow death of golf. How's that feel? Try to have fun out there and play faster. We bet your scores will improve. If you're paired up with a slow player, call them a slug a few times and they'll either pick up the pace or get pissed and quit at the turn. Either way, you win!
1.4.1 Make sure to check out the Slug Index in your Clubhouse. Now you can rate slow players to help them get quicker AND find out where exactly you’re holding things up.
| # | Name | "Money" |
|---|---|---|
| 1. | John Lewis (3) | $3.49 |
| 2. | Glenn Person (3) | $3.40 |
| 3. | John Weiher (3) | $3.03 |
| 4. | Matt Moore (3) | $3.00 |
| 5. | Mike Sheffield (3) | $2.93 |
| 6. | Pete "Padre" Bedell (3) | $2.77 |
| 7. | Jonathan DeMasters (3) | $2.76 |
| 8. | Andy Lugo (3) | $2.69 |
| 9. | James Davidson (3) | $2.67 |
| 10. | Brent Riggs (3) | $2.65 |
